Life

So many meanings, so many emotions, so many feelings.

Today I have experienced and seen such a variety of stages in this wonder called life.

I saw the innocence of my students and appreciated their pure view of the world and life. Their innocence is captivating and as we sit in room C-7 all day, we allow ourselves to go on with our life as if there was no bad out there. I try to protect them from it and worry about them in the coming years.

I was notified that my grandpa is in the final stages of kidney failure. After which I went to wikipedia and discovered that this all leads to mortality.

I've told myself time and time again that I am ready for this, but am I? Am I truly prepared to face the reality of life without my grandpa here in this world? How do I begin to say goodbye to a man that has been such a strong person in the face of so much struggle? I have been holding onto a ticket to go back to Wisconsin for the past month. I leave in just 3 weeks, but will that be in time? Only one person knows and I hope that it is.

Then I think about my life. I feel like I have made so many positive changes in my life lately and am happier than I've ever been, but theres still something missing. No, its not a boyfriend/husband, I am happy being single and being me. I dont know whats missing, but I feel like my life is not complete yet. humph......

Maybe I can learn something from my grandpa and the life he has lived thus far. After all, raising 8 kids and babysitting over 25 grandkids here and there is quite the task. He has always been so positive and upbeat - even in the face of health problems, numerous surgeries and plenty that someone can get depressed about. I only hope that I am that happy when I am in my 80s.

If you are the praying kind, please say an extra one for me, my grandpa and family that we maintain strength in what may be a very trying time ahead.